Archive for the ‘violence’ Category

If all we had to do was “think” about it and really REALLY really want it, the why the hell haven’t we yet achieved gender equality? Surely women world-wide aren’t secretly desiring oppression? Read the rest of this entry »

6
Dec

The choices we make

   Posted by: Britt Tags: , ,

I was recently challenged by a friend, who made it clear to me that she bases the control of her life on accepting that everything revolves around the choices she makes.

I’ve heard that a lot in Law of Attraction circles, and it smacks to me of blaming the victim. You wouldn’t have been raped if you didn’t wear that dress and didn’t go to that bar. Your father wouldn’t have touched you if you didn’t let it happen.

Yes, life is twisted and shaped because of our decisions. And I’m the last one to advocate blame. In fact, one-third of my book, The Three Strategies of the Unstoppable Woman, is dedicated to accountability. Accountability, summed up, means “owning your own shit.”

Yet, there is a time in one’s life that a line must be drawn in the sand, a line that separates my choices from your actions.

Yes, I wore that dress to the bar. Yet, he’s the one who raped me.

What you did and who’s at fault are two completely different things.

Yes, I let my father continue to touch me. I was stunned into submission and since he was the authority figure in my life, I didn’t know where else to turn. Yet, he’s the one who acted out his fantasy.

What you did and who’s at fault, again, two completely different things.

I think it’s an oversimplification to say that you are responsible for everything that has happened to you as a result of your choices. It’s an easy way out for the perpetrator. It’s a camouflaged deflection of responsibility using counter-blame.

The sweet thing (and the equally frustrating thing) about human beings is our complexity. And when you hear a gross over-simplification, examine it. You might be surprised at what you find underneath.

So if it turns out and I’m horribly wrong, and the Law of Attraction can be used to magically manifest things, perhaps we should turn our attention to the human race at large instead of the personal acquisition of so-called wealth.

Here’s my personal list of “fascinating” things gone horribly awry:

  • That we can keep on borrowing money from banks knowing that they are the biggest laundering scheme of all
  • That the health of the overall world economy depends on a lottery system called The Stock Exchange
  • That very few people realize that it’s not “things” that are taxed but the movement of money. Which is why “spending” our way out of recession is encouraged … to the benefit of government coffers (who give most of it back to banks).
  • That we keep on buying stuff made with child/slave labour in developing countries
  • That no one seems to give a shit about about carbon, which will be the ultimate death of humankind (US and esp Canada are the worst offenders, Canada having even signed on to Kyoto)
  • That men who are born of women, married to them, and father them, don’t seem horribly interested in stopping the machismo that leads to (and endorses) rape
  • That male-violence is considered a feminist issue (shouldn’t men be looking after male-violence, and women looking after women-violence?)
  • That most of the foods sold in grocery stores are processed (meat aside, the non-meat products are horribly horribly bad for you)
  • That feminists are considered anti-men
  • That corporations are dedicated to an increasing food consumption that humans are incapable of, which is why packaging gets smaller and food gets more addictive every year
  • That we have to pay MORE for chemical-free food
  • That world hunger is even an issue given the incredible surplus we have in the western world
  • That water is not considered a fundamental basic human right, but a bank-able a commodity
  • That the uprising in Bahrain was not supported world-wide
  • That we continually kill in the name of some pie-in-the-sky gods
  • That children are sold as sex commodities for the Western (dick) hunger for sex tourism
  • That the (respected) physical representation of women in media is so goddamn restrictive whereas the (respected) physical representation of men includes the mean, the fat and the ugly
  • That some people still think what others do in their bedrooms with consenting adults is any of their freakin business
  • That vibrators are still illegal in some states and guns are promoted
  • That some people think that end-of-life issues (eg euthanasia) must be dictated by some religious right
  • That women in Arabia still don’t have the right to vote
  • That date-rape drugs exist
  • That pot is illegal whereas cigarettes are legal
  • That there’s too much money in disease management, which truly prevents (by de-incentive-fying) the pharmaceuticals from find the cure
and the list goes on and on. Really, as a species, the human race is incredibly stupid. It’s rather surprising that we’ve lasted this long. Anything to add? Knock your socks off. And then think and think and think and think really freakin hard about it.

It seems we’re well enough into the year where New Year’s resolutions start drip-dropping out of our minds. We let go of them quite easily with the adamant promise to ourselves that NEXT year will be different. Oh yessiree next year. But for now….

  • Gym memberships get placed in the drawer and forgotten.
  • Dreams of self-employment get overshadowed by the debt incurred at Christmas time
  • The vegetable crisper gets emptier and you once again have to push really hard to close the door on the processed foods cupboard.

I remember listening to the audio tape of The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. In it she says that at one point (after childbirth I think) in her life she got extraordinarily heavy (140 pounds — I’d KILL to weigh 140 pounds again). And you know how she lost the weight? That’s right my friends, she “thought herself skinny.” She visualized herself at a certain weight and sure enough she achieved her goal in no time flat.

So what’s wrong with you? What’s wrong with me? Whatever our New Year’s resolution was, why have 98% of us already dumped it? Why do we do this every single year, so consistently that fitness companies thrive yearlong based on the reliability of January sales? Are we daft? Do we fail to visualize properly? Do we lack mental clarity? Or is there more at play? Is Byrne presenting only the tip of the iceberg, showing us the point of arrival and keeping the real process submerged?

It’s the same with self-employment. There’s a wonderful plethora (abundance if you will) of guru’s who are ready to “teach” you the “secrets” of instant success. Just drop $900 here, $5,000 there, and if you really want to succeed, buy the full package for only $49,995.

We’re so driven to secrets of instant success that the addiction part our brain does the quick math ($50,000 of knowledge will buy me $100,000+ of annual success, so how can I fail?) and quickly overrides the logic part of the rest of our brain.

In my book, The Three Strategies of the Unstoppable Woman, I talk about accountability. Accountability, in a nutshell, means own your own shit. Law of Attraction gurus sell this as “You have attracted everything that has happened to you in your life.” Which is bullshit plain and simple.

Accountability means you own (ie respond to, deal with) what has happened to you. Then, you draw a thick line in the sand that distinctly separates what happened to you from who or what did that to you. So if you were abused, your responsible for dealing with what has happened to you and moving on in life; the perpetrator is the one with the serious problem that requires intensive therapy. If you’re overweight, your responsibility is to eat better and exercise more; what got you into the situation is bigger than you, and is a whole separate issue.

(Food orgs are corporations with a legally mandated obligation to increase their shareholder’s investment every year; human consumption does not increase at the same rate as shares, so food becomes more manufactured, more addictive — eg msg triggers neurons to want more even if the stomach is full — and more attractively packaged and marketed). Weight loss (from pharmaceuticals to gyms) is a multi-BILLION dollar business. The tax base is great. So why would governments want to regulate food and health into lower profits?)

Start looking within yourself folks. The gurus who promise you secrets and instant success are simply reaching into your pocket. Entrepreneurship is hard. That’s my most people work for someone else. Weightloss is hard. That’s why the industry generates billions of dollars every year.

There is no “easy button” in your brain. There is no easy button in life. The adrenalin you feel when you walk on fire or walk into an arrow or “survive” a sweat lodge is nothing like the dogged momentum you need to run a business, doing the same mundane thing everyday, facing rejection after rejection after rejection. If you want to walk on fire or walk into an arrow or do a sweat, great.

But don’t expect that hyped adrenalin to see you through the solitary slog actually required to get to where you want to go! and don’t expect “thinking” will achieve the same result as “doing.” Especially when your goal requires some really tough doing.

Sit in an empty room and “visualize” your favorite gourmet meal all you want; if you stay sitting until you’re achieved your mental goal, you’re going to die of starvation. Chew on that for a while.